She Used to be Mine
by lunafrak
Summary: Hollander writes a letter to Gillian's new husband - ONESHOT SONGFIC to 'She Used to Be Mine' - unsure about rating


"Send him in."

President ShinRa's orders were spoken clearly through his office. A secretary nodded as the previous visitor to the company hierarchy left in a huff.

Within moments the secretary returned, followed by a stout man dressed well underneath his daily lab coat. He seemed worried; yet at the same time annoyed. President ShinRa brushed it off; the look seemed to plague all of his scientists, especially now that several of them, including this particular scientist, were scurrying for the spot of the Head of the Science Department within ShinRa.

"Professor Hollander." He called out to the man as he approached his boss' desk. The scientist's dark copper eyes gleamed in the neon lights that illuminated every inch of the office. He gave a curt nod and clasped his hands behind his back, "I'm sorry for prying you away from your work, but something's come up and I need you to address it."

Hollander raised an eyebrow, "Like what, sir?" He asked, his gravelly voice inquiring.

President ShinRa handed a folder to Hollander, prompting the scientist to open it.

The contents were simple: Copies of a marriage license, and a picture of a wedding.

The groom was someone that Hollander didn't know.

The bride was a completely different story.

"It seems we chose a wonderful place to house your 'dear' Gillian. She's found herself a husband."

Hollander showed no emotion as he closed the folder, but he drew a deep breath, "What do you need me to do, sir?"

"Simple. This man needs to know what he's gotten himself into. Gillian can't hide her past. We need him to know for security reasons. Should anything arise, we can't have him flipping his lid."

"... 'anything arise', sir?" Hollander echoed. President ShinRa looked at his employee, halfway entertained and halfway annoyed.

"You know what I'm talking about Hollander."

"I thought you said those were 'failures', sir." Hollander said dryly, his eyes boring into ShinRa's own dark blue ones.

ShinRa stared back at Hollander with slight intrigue. Instead of arguing, he gave out his task.

"Send our new 'relative' our greetings, congratulations, and, of course, our warnings. He now houses remnants of your Project G."

Hollander eyed ShinRa for a second more.

"Can't you have one of your attendants send something out?"

"I figured that since Project G was yours; as was Gillian," ShinRa gave a smile as he watched those copper eyes harden silently, "that you would be better at getting the point across. By the way," He looked in another folder and fished out yet another photo, "take a look at your son."

Hollander looked at the photo for a moment in ShinRa's hands before taking it himself. He turned it around and saw a small toddler, no older than one year, obviously in the stages of getting his land legs. Black hair sprouted from the top of his head and his eyes boasted the color of the sky as they squinted in a delightful smile.

"He's adorable." ShinRa said with another smile. Hollander stared at the picture, empty-eyed, before handing it back. ShinRa stared at the photo, "What are you giving it back for? It's yours."

Hollander frowned at the burden of owning this picture, "Certainly you need this for your records?"

"Keep it. They're under surveillance, we can get more." ShinRa said shrugging, "What's wrong? I thought you'd be delighted to have a picture of your little boy. Or did Project G get to you?"

"I'll start writing that letter sir." Hollander switched the subject and turned to leave so quickly that ShinRa barely had time to say anything else before the scientist neared the door.

_**XXXX**_

The computer screen was blank as Hollander stared into it, the curser blinking repeatedly as it had been doing for the past half an hour.

Hollander had waited until he was home to write the note to the new Mr. Hewley.

In front of him rested the photo of his son.

Not only his son, but Gillian's as well. Little Angeal had grown tremendously since he'd last been seen by his biological father when he was no more than a month old.

He looked at the folder that ShinRa had supplied him with. The photo of Gillian smiling brightly in the arms of her new husband.

Hollander cradled his face in his hands. His eyes were beginning to blur after staring at the screen for so long.

He shifted and finally placed his hands on the keyboard. He fought to find words to start with. Eventually he typed several keys and sighed.

_"Dear Mr. Hewley;"_

Staring blandly at the screen, Hollander sighed, "Well, it's a start."

He was supposed to be sending a greeting, congratulations, and a warning.

"Let's see..." He whispered. He tried to draw inspiration for what to write as he remembered the woman he was writing about. Gillian.

"Gillian..." He said, and he began to type his letter to her new husband.

_I understand there's nothing I can do_

_I can't be what she needs as long as she needs you_

_If you're the one she'll turn to from now on_

_There are things that you should know about her when I'm gone_

Reading upon those words, his lips pursed and his face appeared questionable of himself.

"Well...it's... nice. And formal..." He said to himself, feeling his face flush. Was it too much?

He knew it wouldn't be best to allow too much emotion in there.

He groaned; his relationship with Gillian ended less than a year ago; he shouldn't have any more 'emotions' for her.

But her name rang in his mind like a heavenly choir.

Hollander clenched his fists. He was writing a warning.

And as it felt like a light went off, the tightness in Hollander's chest loosened, as did his clenched fists. He smiled one of his full-lipped grins and splayed his hands over the keyboard.

"I'll give him a warning."

And as he began to type, he allowed himself to be absorbed into the memories of his time with Gillian.

_She's not as brave as she might seem_

_And when she's had a scary dream_

_If you don't hold her she won't sleep all night_

Giving a chuckle, he remembered those days back then when he and Gillian shared a bed as they expected their child, Angeal, during their short time as a couple. As Project G became a reality, Gillian would often worry about the outcome of their child, as many other children of their experiment hadn't survived the genetic transplants. Some nights she would wake up, grasping his arms and wanting solace and confirmation that their son would turn out all right; and every night until Angeal's birth it seemed that Hollander would have to assure her in some way that everything would be all right.

How ironic that indeed Angeal would arrive without complication; but soon afterward, Gillian's wish to continue with Project G dissipated as she found herself becoming more and more involved with her new duties as a loving mother. When Angeal was just a newborn, she not only left ShinRa and their unethical ideas, but she also left Hollander to continue their failed attempts at creating a Jenova hybrid.

Remembering the sadness of her leaving led to more memories.

_She's not as strong as she should be _

_She cries at movies on TV_

_And counts on you to see that things go right_

How true these words felt. As bold as Gillian often seemed to be, Hollander had learned well after a year of dating her that she was easily scared or worried; yet despite her fears and uncertainties:

_But she's a chance to make your dreams come true_

_To have someone who thinks there's nothing you can't do_

_A chance to live each day and care the way, you always knew you could_

_Take care of her for me, she used to be mine_

His face flushed again.

Bringing his hands back to him and setting them in his lap, Hollander sighed, feeling a chill race in his cheeks all the way down his spine. He looked over the words; these burdens named emotions that were scrawled on the computer screen made him nervous and uneasy. He began to breathe heavily.

"Maybe... Maybe it would be better if I wrote a normal letter." He said, minimizing the current screen and pulling up a new, clear template.

_"Dear Mr. Hewley."_

Hollander stopped.

He realized that the man he was writing to was now married to Gillian; or Gillian was now married to this man; who's name was more than likely different from hers.

"I don't even know their last name." Hollander said, burying his fingers into his thick hair. As he tried to clear his mind, he only found himself remembering more about Gillian.

Such as one afternoon in spring just a year ago; they had planned on going out together for the day, but a storm had interrupted their activities. Gillian, in her sadness, refused to do anything else until the weather lifted. Hollander had tried to convince her to do something else, but she outright refused. At first he was angry, but eventually he just sat next to her on the bed, clasped his hands on his stomach and looked at her.

_"Well, if this is the only way we're gonna be able to spend time together today, I'd might as well make the most of it."_

Gillian's response to those words consisted of a squeal, a few tears, and the biggest kiss he could imagine.

He minimized the newer letter and let his hands drift across the keyboard as those memories wafted in and out of his mind's sight.

_She's not her best on rainy days_

_She'll test your love a hundred ways_

_She plays with your emotions like a song_

Looking at the new words, he felt his smile slipping.

New words for old times. Gillian was married now. He needed to write a real letter. He maximized the 'official' letter and began typing.

He felt like a robot, writing words he didn't mean to the new 'Mr. Hewley'. The letter consisted of Gillian's past as a ShinRa scientist and as the main test subject in Project G.

She'd been so excited for Project G...

Stopping one more time, Hollander seethed. He clenched his fists again and tried not to think about the stinging agony over losing her.

She showed him every day how excited she was when they would begin research for the experiment. That was why he chose her as the main subject, her courage, grace, knowledge-

Beauty...

Ohh, she was so beautiful...

He returned to the page with his original note, reading his personal words about Gillian. He sighed, feeling his fingers move once again without even looking down at them... He knew what to say, he knew everything his hands were going to write...

_She chases dreams that can't come true_

_And always tries to hard for you_

_And never knows just how to say she's wrong_

His eyes remained fixated upon the screen, staring into the brightness as his copper eyes shifted their focus.

He didn't want to admit just how badly they were stinging with tears at the moment.

_But she's a chance to make your life complete_

_A chance to take these lonely days and make them sweet_

_A chance to feel so good that everyone will wish they could be you_

_Take care of her for me, she used to be mine_

By now his hands were shaking. They were quivering, feeling cold and hollow, just like him.

He used to be warm. Every day she lit his world with light that the sun could only wish to harness.

_She'll never leave you anytime alone_

_She needs more time and tenderness than anyone you've known_

His ran the sleeve of his labcoat over his eyes without a thought and paused. He looked at the coat and noticed the patches of tears that had been rubbed onto it.

He hadn't realized that facing his past with Gillian would be this hard; but it wasn't like he was going to get her back. Instead, he had to ensure that her husband would be there to take on that job.

He envied this man; even hated him; but it was this man that Gillian now loved; not Hollander.

Thus was life.

Hollander continued the letter, no longer interested in finishing the formal one. He wrote several more words and proofread the document. The last few lines he had written with extra care and caution, so as to get his exact point across. As he printed the letter and folded it into the envelope, he looked at those last few lines with a shuddering breath:

_But she's a chance you'll never have again_

_A chance that always seems to come to other men_

_A chance I can't forget, a chance that I somehow let slip away..._

_**XXXX**_

The sound of rusty hinges brought evidence to his homecoming.

"Gillian?"

A tall, dark-haired man walked through the door, wondering where his wife was. Instead, he was greeted by a small toddler, who hobbled a jog over to his new stepfather.

"Hey Angeal!" The older man said, squatting down to scoop up the giggling boy, "Where's mama?" He asked, getting no immediate response from his stepson other than the usual sky-blue gaze.

As he held Angeal, the new husband walked through the living area into his room that he now occupied with his wife. Inside, she sat on the bed, prodding at a newly stoked fire.

"Hey." He called, catching her attention. Gillian looked back, but she seemed to force a smile through wavering lips.

"Hi honey." She greeted, her voice cracking. Her husband could see shining trails of tears down her cheeks.

"What's wrong, babe?" He asked, walking over to her. Gillian shook her head as she stood up. She ran her fingers through her son's hair and sniffled.

"Nothing. Everything's fine." She said, "I'm just..."

She wiped her eyes as she looked at the fire. She shook her head again and sighed, "It's nothing. I don't want you to worry."

"You're sure?"

"I'm positive. You have enough to worry about with work and us... I'm just trying to sort through a few things."

"What do you mean?" He asked, looking almost as innocent as Angeal. Gillian smiled and stroked her husband's cheek.

"Don't worry about it." She whispered, "Now, since you're home, I'm going to go fetch dinner."

With a nod from her husband, Gillian grabbed her purse and left for the market rather quickly. With Angeal still in his arms, the newlywed stepfather sat down onto the bed to look at the fire. A glint on the nightstand caught his attention and he looked to find an envelope. He picked it up and noticed a golden ShinRa seal on it; and then he realized it was addressed to him.

"What the..?" The man, still supporting Angeal, looked at the flap of the envelope to realize that it had already been opened. He set Angeal on the ground and began to look for the letter.

"Why would she open it without me?" He asked, looking around various places. After he more or less gave up, he looked at his stepson.

"Do you know where mommy put my letter?"

Despite not expecting a response from the boy, little Angeal pointed at the fire with one of his chubby fingers. His stepfather gave a chuckle as he walked over to the hearth...

...And was stunned to find a crumpled piece of blackening paper, curling to ashes in the depths of the flames.

With his mouth wide open, he grabbed the tongs to the fireplace and tried to fish out the letter. Most of it disintegrated as he clamped onto it, but he was able to pull out the last part of the letter. Even then, it was indistinguishable; save for one final line at the bottom of the page that left him in total confusion:

_Take care of her for me, she used to be mine_

_**XXXX**_

_**I didn't think I would get this finished, but I worked on it a bit over my vacation, and I think it turned out nicely. I know it's a little fast at parts, and I apologize; other than that, I hope you enjoyed it!**_

_**All characters (C) Square Enix**_

_**Song 'She Used to be Mine' Is NOT mine. I don't know who technically owns it, (I used the version sung by the wonderful Michael Crawford) but it's not mine.**_


End file.
